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My first and hopefully not last podcast from Berlin. Ceven joins me for Call center food and we chat about lots of things.

So you’ve been watching a whole lotta porn, eh and you think it’s time to finally give your girl the butthole rumble? Maybe you’ve been playing homebase for awhile and feel like the next place to go is the dug out? Well, I couldn’t agree more. However, there’s one problem isn’t there? You don’t know if she’d go for it. Does she get flinchy every time you almost slip past her golden cheeks by accident (or was it?) when going at it? Has she verbally said that she’s not into the whole butthole party thing? If so, I just might have the help you need. Now mentally prepare your sphincter, whether you’re a man packing his own equipment or a woman getting strapped, cause I’m about to drop some anal cavity knowledge on you.

Fifteen years ago, a little episode of Sex and the City told us that “No one marries up-the-butt girl.” Maybe it’s outdated, maybe it’s wrong, but that doesn’t mean it hasn’t sunk into the mind of the derriere you’re trying to plunder. Getting this anal rodeo up and going is going to take some work. You can’t just charm a girl into it–it’s going to take time, effort and gasp, maybe even some communication and nice words. We’ll see though.

First you need to test the waters. Tell her how much you like her butt and ask her if she’s ever experimented anally. You could show her porn that involves anal or tell her a story about how your friend recently had anal for the first time. You should be able to get a good gauge on her level of interest and it’s likely to fall under one of the three: totally against it, indifferent, or interested.

Let’s tackle the first two.

Ask her why she’s against it or indifferent. Is she afraid of the pain? Does she think it will make her slutty? Or is she afraid she’ll poop on your bed? These are all very legitimate reasons that can fortunately be solved.

A little pain is inevitable, but when you couple anal with plenty of foreplay, lots of lube and very, very (I repeat VERY) slow penetration it can actually be very enjoyable. She might still be skeptical, so offer to warm her up to the idea by using a finger at first or by getting an anal toy from adameve.com. Going this route will spare her from immediately taking on your giant sausage tube and let her practice relaxing. In fact, relaxing is the key to avoiding pain. Penetration will be easier the more she calms down. Remind her of that as you go because she may not even know she’s pushing you out.

Tread lightly and come with facts if your girl is worried that butthole spelunking will make her a slut. Let her know that 30% of people have engaged in anal sex. That means several of her friends have definitely tried it. You could also point her to this website where women detail their anal sex experience and why they love it so much. She’ll see that normal women just like her like to get down with the booty boogie. Be open and loving and let her know that sexual expression, especially between two consensual adults is never slutty and no one’s business any way.

If she’s afraid that she’ll poop on you, that’s a totally reasonable worry, because well, she just might. However, you can reassure her by telling her about the different steps you can take beforehand to lessen the chances. Make sure you guys don’t go at it until she has completely emptied herself. She can also do an anal douche beforehand or an enema. These tend to be a little more intense though, so one trip to the bathroom and a short trip to the tub should definitely suffice. Also, it’s important that you come out slowly when you’re done. If you pull out quickly, her sphincter won’t know how to react and is far more likely to cause poop to follow. Be sure to not freak out in the off chance that you happen to find some unsavory leftovers on the condom, it will only make her feel worse.

Finally, as some last minute pointers:
Make sure you always wear a condom. This is to protect you both from getting an infection.

Clean up in between or put on a new condom before returning to vaginal play.

Consider having a few drinks beforehand to help both of you relax.

Make sure you have plenty of lube and that you continue to apply it throughout your session.

If she is in pain, either slow down and stop for the time being and try again later.

Finally, don’t be a dick. Be sure to shower her with love and affection afterwards. She just gave you her butt, so snug her up.

Best of luck in achieving your butthole matrimony. You can achieve anything with enough love, attention, communication and persistence.